Logic is Taking Some Time Off

I've never been much of a video game player.

Sure, I was excited when I was 6, and my dad brought home our very first Nintendo. My little sister could not grasp the concept of jumping during Super Mario Bros., and she ran straight into the first little mushroom man EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have fond memories of Duck Hunt, Legend of Zelda, and, my very favorite, Super Mario Bros. 3.

In high school, my dad, my sister, and I would have Mario Kart Racing competitions on the Nintendo 64. I always came in third. Always. (We even busted out the dusty Nintendo 64 over Thanksgiving for nostalgia's sake. The outcome was the same. My sister and dad raced for the winner, and I came in last. Only this time it was 4th because I made the mistake of suggesting that Rob play with us.)

As you can see, I've never really sat down and played a game by myself. It was always fun times with my dad and sister.

Rob is a boy, and boys are genetically engineered to make machine gun sounds and play video games. In my quest to continue being the most fabulous girlfriend ever, I bought him an Xbox 360 for Christmas, and even gave it to him early. I subsequently became an Xbox widow while he slipped into boy world and played games for hours. And hours. And hours.

He even brought his precious xbox to my house during our time off from work.

That's when the crazy took over obsession began. He introduced me to Fable II. It's this role-playing game where you make choices that shape everything around you. You can be male or female, good or bad. Rob played and became this evil guy that killed people and stole things and did unspeakable deeds.

I, of course, was a hero. I was so good that I became a saint. I had a halo over my character's head and everything. I got married to Pat the Stall Vendor. He was a nice man. We had a son. When I came back from my quests, I would give them presents. I even had a dog. I named him Max. He was the greatest dog. He stuck with me on my missions and helped me kill bad guys and find treasure. I would heal him when he got hurt, cheer him up when he got scared, and even taught him tricks. I slowly became addicted to this game. I found myself waking up early to start playing before anyone else was up to bother me. I stayed up late to work jobs to earn more money for clothes and weapons.

Then, I got to the big finish. I had to defeat Lucien. The evil man trying to take over the world. My heart fell out of my chest as I watched him shoot my dog. He also revealed that he had killed my husband and son. Evil evil man. I fought him, and won. As a reward for my efforts, this sorceress chick granted me a wish. I had to choose between 3 outcomes. 1) The Sacrifice - I could bring back the people killed by Lucien as he tried to take over the world. They would be sent home to their families, but I would never see mine again. 2) Love - I could bring back my family and my dog, but all the others would stay dead. 3) The Money - I would be granted all the riches in the world, but I would have no one to share it with because they're all dead.

I knew immediately that #3 was out. I couldn't decide between 1 and 2. I asked for Rob's opinion. He was NO help. He just kept rushing me to hurry and make a choice. In a panic, I chose Choice 1. I'm a saint. I couldn't make such a selfish decision and have all those people dead. It was the right choice. The HEROIC choice.

I immediately regretted being selfless. As I continued on the Fable journey, I was given a mansion and statues were erected in my honor, but none of it mattered because my husband and my son were gone. I missed my dog the most. Rob sat there laughing at me while I went on and on about how upset I was that they were gone.

That was on Sunday, and I'm still thinking about them.

In related news, Rob also has been playing Left for Dead. Some crazy game where you shoot at zombies. I watched him play the game with his brother for a couple of hours before going to bed. I woke Rob up in the middle of the night after nonstop nightmares that I was being attacked by zombies. Rob declared that I'm not allowed to watch zombie games before bed ever again.

Newsflash Kristi - These characters are not real. Get over it!!!

This is why I've decided that video games are not for me. I get way too emotionally attached to fictional characters. (i.e. Edward Cullen)

I am a loser, and I will completely understand if y'all don't want to be my friends anymore!