Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'd Give Almost Anything to Still be Asleep

I dreamt about Edward Cullen last night.

Actually, it was the actor who plays Edward, Robert Pattinson. Which is odd because while I enjoy R. Pattz, it's normally just the character of Edward Cullen that has me in a tizzy.

I picked R. Pattz up from the airport.

We went to lunch.

We sat on the same side of the booth as we ate our fish and chips.

It was nice.

Don't bother sending help. I'm already too far gone for it to make a difference.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Hair Conspiracy Theory

My hair is seriously out of control.

Between the overgrown roots and super split ends, I am in need of professional hair maintenance ASAP. As y'all know, finding time in an already packed schedule for something as selfish as a cut and color is not always easy.

I finally got around to making an appointment with my beloved stylist. He even had an opening this Saturday. Yay me!

So why is it that when I've reached my bad hair days threshold, compliments on my hair starting coming out of the woodwork? It's like as soon as I made the appointment, my hair morphed into being perfectly healthy and shiny. It did exactly what I had been begging it to for weeks. Seriously. Even Kaeli told me that my hair looked pretty. Some random lady stopped me on the street and told me that she loved my layers. She even took down my stylist's name and number. What the heck is going on here? I had literally just decided to get rid of the layers, but, after this woman's comments, maybe I should rethink that plan.

I'm not complaining about the compliments. I love compliments, but it's just weird. It's like my hair knows something drastic is about to happen and jumps into self preservation mode.

Then this morning, it went back to being gross and crappy. I guess all is right with the world, after all.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I'm Just So...UGH!!!

Why are guys totally and completely clueless?

And when I say guys, I mean one guy in particular. One I happen to be in a relationship with.

If a girl expresses a feeling of minor irritation about something on Friday, wouldn’t it be prudent for the guy to address that tiny annoyance say ANY TIME throughout the weekend? Somewhere in the guy’s head should realize that by leaving the small frustration unattended until Sunday night will turn it into a huge ISSUE. Seeing as how the guy and girl are dealing with a long distance relationship here, they can’t just hug it out. And when said girl finally calms down enough to have a conversation with said guy, why must he then avoid the issue like the plague knowing that the girl needs to talk it out? Text messages about being sorry really aren’t going to cut it. And since the previously mentioned huge issue was left to fester until Sunday night, the guy was too tired to talk about it because the poor thing had to work Monday morning. Well, maybe he should have thought about that before he left it out there to rot?

It’s not all the guy’s fault. Why can’t the girl just drop it? Why has she gotten so unbelievably pissed off that she doesn’t even remember the minor annoyance? She can only focus on how angry she is. So So So Angry. Why must the girl dwell on this to the point that getting anything else done is impossible? Why must the girl respond to emails and texts from the guy with one word couldn’t be less interested answers? Why is the girl so effing frustrated that she’s seriously close to canceling this weekend’s planned visit because she doesn’t even want to look at the guy who doesn’t seem to care that she is totally and completely pissed. She’s doing and feeling all of these things knowing that it is not solving the huge issue, but for some reason she can’t stop. She must beat the issue like a dead horse. (She is also realizing that the dead horse saying is just awful.)

All the girl needed was acknowledgment of the long lost minor issue. A little bit of reassurance would have been nice. It’s really not too much to ask for is it?

It is becoming increasingly obvious that the guy is not going to help the situation. He does not seem to qualify the issue as important to his day to day life. How would y’all suggest that the girl move past this without pulling her own hair out?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

January 20, 2009

I don't really have an eloquent and poignant post planned.

I'm sure y'all weren't expecting that from me, anyway.

Barack Obama becomes our new president in just a few hours!

I'm really excited about today. I hope my boss isn't expecting much productivity from me because I am glued to the inauguration coverage.

(Did y'all see Michelle Obama give Laura Bush a present when they greeted each other at the White House? She's just so classy. I think I'm going to live my life asking What Would Michelle Obama Do from now on!)

I'm actually green with envy because Kaeli's grandmother is currently standing on the Washington Mall. She's a high school history teacher, and she goes to DC every year with some of her students. She was at the big concert on Sunday. She's also going to one of the balls. I AM SO JEALOUS. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat!

Fortunately for me, Rob travels to DC a lot for work, and, since he' s smart, he always brings me a new Obama present. I contemplated wearing my Inauguration 2009 t-shirt under my clothes today, but then I realized that I have to draw a line between crazy and not crazy.

So instead, I took pictures of my Barack Obama bobblehead to share with y'all. This is probably my favorite thing Rob has ever brought back from DC.

Not only is today historic, but I truly believe we picked the best person to be our president. I am so excited about the future of our country, and where we are headed.

The excitement is just too much for me. I'm practically bouncing in my cube!!!

Happy Inauguration Day, everyone!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


The 1st grade at Kaeli's school had a special activity day. I guess animals were brought in(are you guys impressed with how not informed I am?), and fun times were had by all. Things at work have been super busy with year-end and all, so Rob picked Kaeli up on Friday. She immediately informed him that an owl defecated on a towel in class. Rob and Kaeli have spent the rest of the weekend saying:

There once was an owl
Who pooped on a towel
It was the dirtiest fowl I've ever seen
He let out a howl
As he emptied his bowels
His butt will never be clean

So. Um. Yeah. How about that?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Big Happy Hair

So I was watching The City, wondering if Whitney and the Australian Justin Bobby were going to take the next step, when I saw a commercial for something called a Bumpit.

I am now obsessed with the idea of getting my very own Bumpit.

I want to Bump It Up! I want to be sassy, flirty, and fabulous!

It's like the Hairdini obsession I had when I was a kid. Only I couldn't figure out how to make it work, so it just sat on my dresser.

I'm seriously tempted to buy one out of pure curiosity.

OH DEAR GOD. What is wrong with me?

I think I need a useless products intervention.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Yay! My Favorite Part of January!

(besides my sister's birthday of course)

Tonight is the premiere of American Idol Season 8!! For the next 4 months my Tuesdays and Wednesdays will be devoted to the words coming out of Simon's mouth.

Remember that whole "unnaturally/abnormally emotionally attached to fictional characters" thing I told y'all about? Well, it applies to reality TV also.

I'm really excited to see the changes. Will I love them? Will I hate them? I don't know, we will find out. A new judge! Less bad auditions! More Hollywood Week(one of my fav parts!)!

Speaking of American Idol, have y'all heard the new single from Kelly Clarkson, My Life Would Suck Without You? It's no Since You've Been Gone, but I'm liking it. It's catchy, and I think it's the kind of song that I will love after a few listens.

I hope everyone has their DVRs set, their popcorn bowls out, and their alcoholic beverage of choice ready for tonight! Bring on the Season 8 Audition Rounds!!!

Taking Time for Sisterly Love

Today, January 13, 2009, is my sister's birthday!!

My sweet little sister is 25!! Twenty freaking five.

If Kari is 25, that means I am officially getting older too. How is it possible that my baby sister is in her mid twenties? I think her birthdays make me feel older than my actual birthday does.

In honor of Kari's birthday, I'm going to share fun facts and memories of the Non-Material Girl (that's no lie.) (we are polar opposites.)( i don't hold it against her, though)

Kari was born on Friday the 13th. As a kid, I figured that meant she was unlucky and the root of all evil.

When I was 4ish and she was 1 1/2ish, I was sick of helping her get down the stairs, so I decided to teach her how to do it herself. It did not go as I envisioned. She fell ALL. THE. WAY. DOWN. My mom was not happy with me that day.

She put bread in our VCR once. It came out as toast. We had to get a new VCR.

In our younger days, we fought A LOT. My mom finally made a rule that we could beat on each other all we wanted as long as we didn't leave marks on each other's faces.

When my dad would catch us fighting he'd make us hug for 10 minutes in the middle of the living room.

She wore matching sweat shirts and sweat pants to school Every. Single. Day. when she was in the 6th grade. I was so glad that I was in 9th and didn't have to claim her as my sister.

I was so mad when she grew one summer, and became taller than me. I never really got my growth spurt.

I was so happy when she got into 8th grade. It was the first time she asked me to help her put on make-up. I couldn't believe we finally had something in common.

That's when the fighting over clothes started. We did a lot of fighting over clothes.

I caught her when she came home drunk once. Which isn't a big deal until I tell y'all that she was drunk off of Zimas with Jolly Ranchers in them!!! Can you say DORK!

She NEVER got caught doing anything wrong when we were teenagers. I always got caught. I'm pretty sure my parents still think Kari is the angel, and I'm the difficult child.

I'm the "wild daughter", but it was Kari who convinced my parents to let her get her tongue pierced when she was 16.

As a teenager, I knew when I was pmsing because the sound of Kari's voice would suddenly morph in to the sound of scratching nails down a chalkboard.

The first time I ever drove a car without parental supervision, she was in the passengers seat. We were on a Coke (the soda not the drug) run for my dad.

I lived at home for a while in college. It was my job to take Kari to school in the mornings. Her school schedule got in the way of my recuperating from long nights of "studying". I rarely got her there on time, and we always ended up in a fight over it. Then one morning, I wouldn't get out of bed so she STOLE MY CAR to get herself to school. After that whole fiasco, my mom decided it was time Kari got her own car.

Now she lives in Maryland, and we don't see each other near enough. Good thing I have a good text messaging plan!

Happy Birthday to my little sister!

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm A Follower

Y'all - Hey, Kristi. Where have you been
Kristi - Oh, me? I've been buried under Excel spreadsheets because that is the life in January for someone who happens to work in corporate accounting.**

Welcome to my very first Delurking Day!

If you stop here and never comment (and if you regularly comment, you can't leaving me hanging today!!), today is the day to change all of that! If you comment then we can become bestest blog friends! How can we be bestest blog friends if I don't know you're out there?!!

Plus, this is my 100th blog post! What better way to commemorate 100 posts than to see who has been reading my ramblings for so long?!

Happy Delurking Everyone!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Facebook Frenemy

Last week, I got a friend request from a guy on Facebook. He went to my high school, and we had a few friends in common. I didn't recognize him, but I didn't want to be rude and break some Facebook etiquette rule that I'm not aware of, so I went ahead and confirmed.

Yesterday I got a message from the dude:
"Wow. I am so surprised you added me as a friend. Anyways, you hated me in high school. We were in Spanish for one semester, then I moved to Wisconsin. Obviously I am different now that I don't hate you for not liking me. How are things going. I am married with two kids, ages 2 and 1. They are awesome. It is very cold up here, but the snow is worth it. TTYL."

Dude, could you be more passive aggressive? Maybe that's why I didn't like you. (And I seriously can't respect a guy that uses TTYL. It's just not right.)

If we didn't get along in high school, why did he send me a friend request? Was he hoping for some kind of Facebook vindication? Does he expect a heartfelt apology for hurting his precious feelings all those years ago? Or maybe he's just trying to reach a specific number of friends and desperately needs me? How the hell does he remember someone he had Spanish with for 1 semester? That was seriously 11 years ago. I remember 1 person from Spanish, and that's because she was fluent and let me copy off of her tests. (I should look for her on FB!)

Plus, he makes it sound like I was a mean girl. So not true. You can ask around. I was a dork. A dork who happened to be super obsessed with her high school boyfriend and had no time for anything else. (Hence the cheating in Spanish.)(Yeah, hence!)

I truly have no idea what this guy is talking about. Like I mentioned, I don't recognize him. I haven't messaged him back because I'm not 16 anymore I really don't care to be involved in Facebook drama. I really have no idea what to even say to him. Is it like super bitchy to just 'unfriend' him? Is there a social networking rule book I could consult for polite ways to deal with someone you didn't like in high school?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reason # 8,472 On Why All My Money Is Spent At Target

Maverick got a new shirt.

He's not really down with doggy apparel. A fact he has proven by chewing his way out of shirts if they are left on too long.

But it's been very cold, and he seems to have had a change of heart about the extra layer.

And this shirt makes me laugh too hard not to make him wear it!!!

It's a shirt for a dog that says 'Sup Dawg!

Now that's just funny.

Sir Mix A Lot Was On To Something

Good news for all the big bootied girls out there.

Having a Big Derriere May Be Good for Your Health, Study Finds
Women can stop worrying about pear-shaped figures — fat bottoms have been scientifically proven to be a sign of good health.

New research, published in the journal Cell
Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones.
Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, researchers from Harvard Medical School found.

When buttocks and hip fat from mice was injected into other mice, their bodies easily used the blood sugar-regulating hormone insulin and lost weight.
They were also able to make better use of insulin, the main hormone linked to diabetes.
People with the apple shape, where fat is stored around the tummy, can be more prone to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Those with pear-shaped bodies, where fat is collected in the buttocks, are less likely to have these disorders.
Researcher Dr. Ronald Kahn insisted that not all fat was bad for

"The surprising thing was that it wasn't where the fat was located, it was the kind of fat that was the most important variable," he said.

"Even more surprising, it wasn't that abdominal fat was exerting negative effects, but that subcutaneous fat was producing a good effect.
I think it's an important result because not only does it say that not all fat is bad, but I think it points to a special aspect of fat where we need to do more research."
Scientists also monitored the health of the mice given the fat transplants. When it was inserted into the tummy area, the mice lost weight and their fat cells shrank. The researchers will now try to identify the hormones.

I knew my exceptionally bubbly ass would come in handy one day.

Logic is Taking Some Time Off

I've never been much of a video game player.

Sure, I was excited when I was 6, and my dad brought home our very first Nintendo. My little sister could not grasp the concept of jumping during Super Mario Bros., and she ran straight into the first little mushroom man EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have fond memories of Duck Hunt, Legend of Zelda, and, my very favorite, Super Mario Bros. 3.

In high school, my dad, my sister, and I would have Mario Kart Racing competitions on the Nintendo 64. I always came in third. Always. (We even busted out the dusty Nintendo 64 over Thanksgiving for nostalgia's sake. The outcome was the same. My sister and dad raced for the winner, and I came in last. Only this time it was 4th because I made the mistake of suggesting that Rob play with us.)

As you can see, I've never really sat down and played a game by myself. It was always fun times with my dad and sister.

Rob is a boy, and boys are genetically engineered to make machine gun sounds and play video games. In my quest to continue being the most fabulous girlfriend ever, I bought him an Xbox 360 for Christmas, and even gave it to him early. I subsequently became an Xbox widow while he slipped into boy world and played games for hours. And hours. And hours.

He even brought his precious xbox to my house during our time off from work.

That's when the crazy took over obsession began. He introduced me to Fable II. It's this role-playing game where you make choices that shape everything around you. You can be male or female, good or bad. Rob played and became this evil guy that killed people and stole things and did unspeakable deeds.

I, of course, was a hero. I was so good that I became a saint. I had a halo over my character's head and everything. I got married to Pat the Stall Vendor. He was a nice man. We had a son. When I came back from my quests, I would give them presents. I even had a dog. I named him Max. He was the greatest dog. He stuck with me on my missions and helped me kill bad guys and find treasure. I would heal him when he got hurt, cheer him up when he got scared, and even taught him tricks. I slowly became addicted to this game. I found myself waking up early to start playing before anyone else was up to bother me. I stayed up late to work jobs to earn more money for clothes and weapons.

Then, I got to the big finish. I had to defeat Lucien. The evil man trying to take over the world. My heart fell out of my chest as I watched him shoot my dog. He also revealed that he had killed my husband and son. Evil evil man. I fought him, and won. As a reward for my efforts, this sorceress chick granted me a wish. I had to choose between 3 outcomes. 1) The Sacrifice - I could bring back the people killed by Lucien as he tried to take over the world. They would be sent home to their families, but I would never see mine again. 2) Love - I could bring back my family and my dog, but all the others would stay dead. 3) The Money - I would be granted all the riches in the world, but I would have no one to share it with because they're all dead.

I knew immediately that #3 was out. I couldn't decide between 1 and 2. I asked for Rob's opinion. He was NO help. He just kept rushing me to hurry and make a choice. In a panic, I chose Choice 1. I'm a saint. I couldn't make such a selfish decision and have all those people dead. It was the right choice. The HEROIC choice.

I immediately regretted being selfless. As I continued on the Fable journey, I was given a mansion and statues were erected in my honor, but none of it mattered because my husband and my son were gone. I missed my dog the most. Rob sat there laughing at me while I went on and on about how upset I was that they were gone.

That was on Sunday, and I'm still thinking about them.

In related news, Rob also has been playing Left for Dead. Some crazy game where you shoot at zombies. I watched him play the game with his brother for a couple of hours before going to bed. I woke Rob up in the middle of the night after nonstop nightmares that I was being attacked by zombies. Rob declared that I'm not allowed to watch zombie games before bed ever again.

Newsflash Kristi - These characters are not real. Get over it!!!

This is why I've decided that video games are not for me. I get way too emotionally attached to fictional characters. (i.e. Edward Cullen)

I am a loser, and I will completely understand if y'all don't want to be my friends anymore!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Vacations Must End Sometime or Else it Wouldn't be a Vacation

My vacation has come to an end, and Kaeli and I go back to school and work bright and early Tuesday morning. I have no idea why her school decided to bring them back Tuesday instead of Monday, but I embraced it and took an extra day of vacation when the majority of people went back to the real world Monday. Of course, my body is still on vacay time, so I am awake at 12:27am when I have to be at work in the morning. Not awesome.

As I tossed and turned in bed, I realized I have seriously neglected the blogosphere. I never even gave y'all a year wrap up or anything. I'm a sucky blogger.

So here is a little New Year blog!!

2007 was a crazy year. There were lots of highs and lows and ups and downs. It was full of death and moving and a new city and a new job and Kaeli turned 5 and started Kindergarten. Somewhere in there, my beer drinking buddy, Rob, became way more than a beer drinking buddy. By the end of the year, I was praying that 2008 would be calm and uneventful.

2008 delivered. There were no huge shake ups. It was calm and peaceful. Edward Cullen and the iPhone came into my into my life, making things brighter. Kaeli has just gotten more fabulous. Rob turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me since Kaeli's birth. All in all, a very fantastic year.

I have a feeling 2009 is going to be another great one. Some big things are going to happen in the Material Girl world. I also have a few goals. One of which is the obligatory "get in shape" resolution. This time, though, I have an actual reason. While perusing Facebook I found a MyHighSchool Class of '99 Reunion Group. There are people planning my high school reunion as we speak. Gasp! I am not ready to face the fact that I finished high school 10 years ago. And I am seriously not ready to face that fact with these extra 10 15 pounds on my ass. I really planned on starting Monday, but since I still had vacation brain the plan turned into a big FAIL. Tuesday is another day!! There are other goals, but I'm all about baby steps. I'll kick the others into motion once I get a handle on this whole exercise and eat right thing. Any tips wise Internets?

I hope 2009 is agreeing with y'all!