Maria, Maria!

(for full effect you must sing that in the tune to the Rob Thomas/Santana song from back in the day)

Today, August 25, is my friend Maria's 26th birthday. In honor of her, I'm going to share my very favorite memory of me and Maria.

Maria and I met during our days in the restaurant business. She was a hostess, and I was a server. From the moment I met her, I loved her. The managers used to get so mad at the amount of time I spent at the hostess stand giggling with my new friend. Through the course of our new friendship, we realized that our birthdays are in the same week. We hatched the brilliant plan to celebrate her 18th and my 19th birthday together. The plan included getting tattoos together, and I thank the fact we chickened out every day. We totally would have ended up with something stupid that we would regret now. Instead, I waited a few years before I got my tattoo and have something that I love. But that is a different story for a different day.

Back to the birthday celebration. First stop was dinner with a group of our friends. Dressed in our skimpiest outfits, of course. I had on a black tank top and a pair of the shortest tiniest cheetah print shorts ever created. I still can't believe I ever fit into them. I have searched for pictures of proof, but can't find them anywhere! She showed up in a tiny black skirt and a cheetah print halter top. We laughed at the coincidence, and figured we were so cosmically linked we subconsciously dressed alike.

Next stop, was some dude's house. That's right, some dude. I have no idea who it was or how I knew him, but his house was central to getting the party started. There we may or may not (to admit that I drank underage would be a poor example of how responsible I am) have indulged in alcoholic beverages. To be honest, I remember very little about this phase of our celebration.

Since it was Maria's 18th birthday, and, she could legally go clubbing, we decided that our stupid town wasn't good enough for us. We got in the car (with a DD of course) to drive an hour to a club that would do our party justice. Again, I do not remember the girl that was driving. Maria does, but, obviously, I had one thing on my mind, and that was to PAR-TEY. Maria and I sat in the back and made up a song. A song so horrible and embarrassing that I can't share the lyrics with you. It did have to do with the greatness of beer and dancing, though.

That brings us to the best part of my tribute to Maria. About halfway to the GREATEST CLUB EVER (or so we thought), Maria and I had to use the restroom. Bad. Problem was that we were at a super boring part of I-35, and there was nowhere to stop. NO WHERE. Our pee situation was becoming increasingly serious, so we had the driver pull off an access road so we could just go. We stopped, looked into the field, and there was a lone tree in the middle of it. It was the best cover we were going to find, so we dashed off. As we crowded around the tree, doing our business, I noticed lights turning on to my right. I looked over and realized that there was a house right next to us. WE WERE PEEING IN SOME ONE'S YARD. So, I screamed to Maria "holy crap, we're in some one's hard. We gotta run!" I took off while Maria ran behind me trying to get her skirt back over her ass yelling "Wait for me!" We dove into the car, and raced off. Only then did Maria notice that she had peed in an anthill and now had ants all over her feet. Luckily, we made it to the club shortly after (with our buzz still intact) and proceeded to have one great birthday celebration.

Happy Birthday, Maria. Thanks for being my friend for the last 8 years. Aren't you glad we have the good sense not to act like that anymore?