Good Morning, Sunshine

I am not a morning person. I have never been a morning person. I doubt I will ever be a morning person.

I was not one of those kids that got up at the ass crack of dawn to open Christmas presents. My parents will tell you that they had to literally come and get me when it was time to open presents because I was still asleep.

In college, a class before 10:30am was a class that was skipped. Twice I tried to take a 9am class, and twice it did not work out well.

I'm truly confused by old people that get up at 6am. When I'm old and retired, there is no way in hell I'm getting out of bed before 9am.

I do not enjoy getting out of bed in the morning. Everyday I have a battle with my alarm clocks.

There is alarm clock #1. #1 goes off at 5am. He's there to gently remind me that I need to start getting up soon. I take great pleasure in throwing #1 against the wall.

Alarm clock #2 goes off at 5:30am. This is the alarm set for the time I need to get up for a smooth morning. I hit the snooze a minimum of 2 times. In an effort to trick myself, alarms #1 and #2 are set 15 minutes ahead. It rarely works because I just remember that is 15 minutes earlier than my clock says and hit the snooze. Again.

There is also cell phone alarm #1. Cell #1 also goes off at 5:30am. It is actually set in real time so it goes off after alarms #1 and #2. Cell #1 is meant to confuse me because on any given morning there is no telling where my cell may be. It could be on the stand next to me, on the floor, under the bed, hidden in my comforter. Cell #1 is probably most effective because of the search and rescue it takes to turn off the most annoying sound ever.

Last, there is cell phone alarm #2. Cell #2 goes off at 6am. It's basically there to mock me because if I'm not out of bed before this alarm goes off the morning will descend into complete chaos.

Somewhere in the middle of hair/make-up and getting dressed, Kaeli needs to be woken up. The promise of food can arouse her from sleep pretty quickly. She then stumbles into the dining room, eats breakfast, and gets dressed. Besides the making of her breakfast, she needs very little supervision at this point. I don't think I can fully express how happy this makes me. I emerge from my room to find a fed and dressed kid watching cartoons.

Sounds like the worse is over, but this is actually crunch time. The plan is to be out the door at 6:30, but it can easily turn to 6:35am if the other non-morning person (Kaeli) feels that I have slighted her in anyway. The morning meltdown will normally occur over uneven pigtails, or if she feels at all rushed while putting on her shoes. 6:35am will turn into 6:41am, when, halfway to my friend's house (she lives practically next door and is a godsend because she takes Kaeli to school with her son for me), I realize that Kaeli's lunch box is still on the counter.

When I finally get to work, it takes at least 2 cups of coffee before I feel even close to normal.

I am not a morning person.