Saturday, September 27, 2008

Drunk Blogging is WAY More Satisfying Than Drunk Dialing

This song should be listened to as you read this post.

When I get overwhelmed, stressed, and my life makes me tired, I throw myself a pity party. Pity parties are the greatest thing EVER. My normal pity party includes vegging out on the couch while watching countless episodes of Gilmore Girls on DVD. It's my favorite show ever on television. EVER. Nothing cheers me up more than a smart and witty mother/daughter team. When Kaeli was younger, she used to watch the show with me, and when the opening song came on we would dance around the living room singing. My friends think I brainwashed her, but I'm just showing her what kind of relationship she and I should have. It makes my heart smile when she asks to watch it. I totally want to be Lorelai Gilmore when I grow up. She is so awesome.

Anyway, on my way home from work I decided that it has been way too long since my last pity party and judging from my last post I need one, badly.

But my normal pity party just wasn't going to cut it (sorry lorelai and rory). I'm at like DEFCON 1 here. Check the link. It's like the worst one. People always mention DefCon 5, but 1 is way more serious. DefCon 5 is a joke compared to DefCon 1. Serious action needed to be taken. I did what any fabulous girl would do, hit the hard liquor and watched my new DVD, Sex and the City - The Movie. I just bought the extended cut because I'm awesome like that. Sex and the City is my second favorite show ever created, so you know I was one of those chicks standing in line and watching it in the theaters opening weekend.

*pause while I make new adult beverage*

*new beverage made, we may proceed*

While watching Sex and the City, I laughed, I cried, and I cast all the parts to include my real life friends. It was so fun. I should warn you now that not all of my favorite friends are cast in my Sex and the City Movie. If your not in it, it's not because I don't love you. I'm drunk and looking for extremes here. Plus, it's my movie and I can cast whomever I choose. Is that even the right time to use whomever? I've never been able to figure that out. Anyway...

Carrie: Duh! I'm Carrie. She's so fabulous. I figure in 17 years, when Kaeli is done with college, I should totally be able to own my very own Manolos. Even though I've never been much of a writer, it's like my dream job. How the heck did I become an accountant? Oh, I know! Because I'm a sucky writer that happens to be totally NON CREATIVE and good with numbers. How boring.

Charolette: She's played by my friend, Leanne. Leanne is so Charlotte. She always knows the polite thing to do, and she's the one to go to if you need unconditional support. She's way nicer and more sympathetic than I'll ever be.

Miranda: When I need to let out my bitchiness and get a healthy dose of cynicism, then I know it is time to check in with Tabatha. Plus, she's one of two friends that remembers crazy Kristi from high school. She has stories.

Samantha: (I love Carrie, but secretly Sam is my favorite) Wow. Samantha is hard to cast. It took halfway through the movie to figure it out, but when I did I couldn't believe it took so long. It's so obvious. APRIL!! Except the whole slutty, sleeping around part. April's not like that ( but I do have some great stories. If she ever runs for political office, I could sell a tell-all book!) I think what tipped me off that Samantha=April is the total honesty, unwavering loyalty, and the knack for a well placed dirty joke.

Stanford: Ugh. I so totally do not have a fantastic gay male friend in my life. That is so what is missing. Starting tomorrow, I'm searching for a homosexual best friend who wants to tell me how fabulous I am!!


Smith: Unfortunately, I don't have a Smith. No amount of racking my brain will produce one. Add him to tomorrow's search.

Harry: He would be none other than my friend Precious's (yes, that's her real name) hubby, Sean. He's super nice, a great dad, and the most fun to joke around with. We have this total love/hate thing going on, but the hate part is totally pretend.

Steve: He's your stereotypical Beta-male. But not in a bad way. In a totally sweet and supportive way. Drawn to Type-A women, sensitive, and willing to support aforementioned Type-A woman as she climbs the ladder of success. The only person that fits this description is Kaeli's dad, Ryan. I don't talk about him much. He passed away in a car accident when Kaeli was 4. It sucked. Enough Said.

Mr Big: First off, I find it absolutely wonderful that through the entire series his name is Mr. Big, and in the movie we get to learn that his real name is John. How great is that? Rob = Mr. Big. No doubt in my mind. For millions of reasons that I will never be able to explain. He's that all encompassing love that you can't live without, but it makes you crazy to live with. Crazy in a good way, though. He's also the one that can break your heart in ways you never imagined.

Drunk blogging has it's draw backs. It just took me 15 minutes to proof read and correct spelling errors. Grammatical errors be damned.

Kristi OUT!!


Astarte said...

Hooray for drunk blogging!

I have been in love with Mr. Big for years and years. I think he deserved a better name. John is so... hooker-ish. But, in a way, that's funny, since he's rich and has been with Carrie, who slept with half of NYC, all that time, paying for stuff. Huh. Still love him.

Melissa said...

I so love this, gotta think about my "characters" .. seems fun!

Emma said...

I love the idea on a pity party, I also totally get your long distance sentiments. It can be so frustrating, I just try and make sure that I have as many fun times when I'm with and without him but will definitely be trying the pity party technique sometime soon :-)

MaryB said...

I hope the day is looking a little brighter today. If not, we're all listening! Every girl needs her pity parties now and then! I like your version!

Long distance mostly = suck. BUT, i will say, I think you REAAALLLYY get to KNOW someone that way. I would not reccommend this to most people but Rich and I lived 750 miles apart until we were married. As a matter of fact, I have finally found the box of letters he wrote to me during that year. When you are physically in the same place, you dont spend as much time pouring your heart out and organizing thoughts on paper. Ya know, hormones and "electricity" tend to get in the way of things like that.

PS -- Can you believe I still haven't seen the movie??? I REFUSE to watch without a fun girlfrined and all of mine live too far away.

april said...

first of all only a true nut job would proof read drunk blogging, i dont even give the sober ones a second glance! second, for those that dont know me let me clear this up ( but thank you for editing kristi) i am a slut oops, was, was a slut. i am a recovering slut whose mind is always in the gutter. thank you for the samantha shout out. i feel quite confident though that my book about the "old kristi" would knock your book about me off the charts... now to think of a title... how about "knock, knock, it's me, i went to the wrong room"