Scenes from a Cubicle

Another post? Wow. Aren't y'all lucky!?

Are y'all ready for a little tour into Corporate America? It's exciting stuff. Really.

This is my cube. Inviting, isn't it?

This is my pen/pencil jar that I inherited from the person who occupied my cube before me.

This is a crazy office supply contraption thingy that has been in my inherited pen jar for the 1 1/2 years that I have resided in this cubicle.

For 1 1/2 years I have had no freaking clue what this thing is, but I couldn't ask anyone what it is because then people would think I was stupid and not take me seriously.

But then they all found out about my Perez Hilton addiction and Twilight obsession, so being taken seriously wasn't really a concern anymore.

So, I finally asked.

It's a STAPLE REMOVER! I've only ever seen the fun claw like staple removers. Not this flat strange thing. They don't teach this stuff in college, y'all.

I've been randomly stapling things to test it out. Being an accountant is full of fun times.

Tell the truth. Did any of you know it was a staple remover on first sight? I can't be the only person that has never seen one of these doodads before.

A Product of the Hannah Montana Generation

Kaeli and I were at the grocery store the other day. To reward her patience and lack of whining as I bought every single thing in the store, I gave her $0.50 to get something out of those little machines by the door.

I figured she would go for the bright stickers, maybe the fun friendship bracelet, the damn bouncy balls that I find all over my house, or a nice round gumball.

I was wrong on all counts. She headed straight for the FAKE MUSTACHES.

What?

Obviously, I had to get a picture of my 6 year old very girly girl in a fake mustache.

I believe it is a photo that must be shared with the world.

notice my new PLUM colored sunglasses that she grabbed before I could snap a picture!!

This is now the pose she strikes every time I ask to take a picture.

I have a very odd child.

More Ways in Which I Waste Time During Work

I can't remember where I first found out about this site. I'm pretty sure it was on someone else's blog, but I can't remember who. If it was you, then I would like to send a big thank you for decreasing the boredom on a lazy afternoon!

Reasons Why I Dumped You.

Immediately follow the link.

Trust me.

You Say That Now, Young Child

Kaeli loves to read, and, in my very unbiased mother's opinion, she has gotten really good at it.

Her new favorite reading material is my cell phone. She likes to pass the time by scrolling through my text messages or looking over my shoulder as I text. The kid has even decoded some of the text message shorthand.

I finally had to have a talk with her about NOT reading my text messages.

Me: Kaeli, it is not polite to read through other people's messages without asking.
Kaeli: But texts are so fun.
Me: Yes, but how would you like it if I went into your room and read through your journal.
Kaeli: Go ahead. I don't care if you read that. Nothing in there is a secret.

I wonder if she'll still feel this way when she is 12?

While we're on the subject of Kaeli, some of you may remember Kaeli asking for an iPod right after she turned 6. I vetoed it because I thought she was a little too young for one, but she really has grown a lot in the last year. She's been doing a really good job taking care of her stuff, so I was considering the purchase when she turns 7 (which isn't until July anyway).

That is until last week. We were talking about a friend of her's having a birthday, and I mentioned that at 7 she might be old enough for her own iPod. My intention was to get her a little excited about it, but instead she said "I don't really need an iPod for my birthday. What I want is my own laptop."

I'm pretty sure y'all can figure out my answer to that request

Helping Me Stick to My Diet One Post at a Time

In my search to know everything on the Internet, I found a fascinating site.

Fascinating in that it simultaneously intrigues and disgusts me.

This Is Why You're Fat.

Perusing these pictures is like watching a train wreck. I want to turn away, but I just cant. It's power is just too strong.

Big Mac-Chicken With Cheese

A McDonald’s Big Mac with cheese, but with fried McChicken patties instead of buns.

I suddenly feel less guilty about polishing off that box of Girl Scout cookies last night.

Is it possible to make a box of Caramel Delights last more than 1 day?

More Ways In Which I Act Like a 15 Year Old Girl

Are y'all sick of hearing about my iPhone yet?

No?

Good. I promise I'll stop after this.

Unless any more good stories happen.

Anyway...

With my old phone, I had a plan with unlimited mobile to mobile texting and some extra texting tacked on for those people not with my cell provider. It wasn't a big deal because I didn't text much, but that was before I found myself in a long distance relationship.

Now my texting is out of control. It's a serious sickness. One day I decided to count how many text messages Rob sent me. There were 60. In one day. And not even a whole day. Just the 8 or so hours he was at work! And it's always really un important play by play from his day. Fortunately, Rob and I have the same cell service provider so our nonstop texting fell under the unlimited part of my plan.

When I got the new phone, I figured it was time to change some stuff on my plan. I had started going slightly over my allotted text messages, and it was getting annoying.

I played around with my plan online, and called it a day.

Then I got this month's bill.

My eyes bulged out of my head when I realized I had racked up a $250 cell phone bill! I apparently did not change my messaging to the unlimited plan like I intended. Instead I only signed up for like 1500. Too bad I had over 3000 texts on my bill! (I know. I'm ridiculous. I can't help that all my friends and family live far away. And I like to chat. And stop judging me!!) It was seriously insane.

I immediately changed to the Unlimited plan I had previously intended, and silently berated myself for such a careless mistake.

But last night I decided to give AT&T a call. I talked to a very nice lady about what happened. I was my usual charming self, and she laughed at my insane amount of overage.

Then, the most amazing thing happened. She said that since I am such a good customer and since I have already switched over to the Unlimited plan so this won't happen again, she would go ahead and take ALL of my excess text messages off!! She literally took like $150 off of my bill.

I did a happy dance, and professed my undying love for her.

And since TUWABVB had a great customer service story today too, I decided that I should give a shout out to Peggy from AT&T and all the other super nice customer service employees!! Thanks for staying nice and helpful even when dealing with airheads like me!!

The Things I Do To Make My Father Crazy

I am horrible about calling my dad. It's not that we aren't close because we totally are. I think he's great, and I thank the stork for dropping me off at my dad's door.

I'm just really bad at calling. He is too. It's apparently genetic.

Anyway, I finally got a hold of him recently. Here is part of our very important convo.

ME: So have I told you about my new super awesome iPhone?
Dad: No, you have not.
ME: Oh, well I have an iPhone, and I love it. It can do everything. I don't know how I lived without it.
Dad:he went into a long diatribe about only needing a phone to make calls...blah blah blah....all that other stuff is crazy....blah blah blah
ME: Anyway, I think I have realized something very important about myself because of my iPod and my iPhone. In the life question of whether you're a Mac or a PC, I just might be a Mac. (I don't have a Mac, but I'm definitely considering the purchase)
Dad: Hold on. Wait a second. You voted for Obama and you're a Mac? Where did I go wrong when I was raising you?

Obviously, my dad and I are total and complete opposites a little different in our life views, but the sarcastic comment proves we have something in common!!!

I Don't Think I Can Eat Anymore Chocolate

Who am I kidding? There's always room for more chocolate!

I'm a little late on the Valentine's Day thing, but Rob and I had a fun-filled weekend of V-Day celebrations.

Phase 1 was shipping Kaeli to the grandparents house for the night and having dinner at The Melting Pot on Friday. We (and by we I mean Rob) spent way too much money, but it was worth it. The Melting Pot is just so delicious. It's a testament to how old we're getting that we had an early dinner on Friday to avoid the crazy crowds Saturday. Our server told us that they had like 500 reservations for Valentine's Day. I do not miss waiting tables on V-Day. The only day it's worse to be a server is Mother's Day. Trust me. Be kind to your servers if you go out those days!!

After dinner it was on to Phase 2. Rob got me tickets to see Legally Blonde The Musical! It was so much fun. I loved every second of it. Rob hated it because he said that guys are supposed to hate musicals. Which in turn started a Valentine's bickering match because I think he was being stereotypical and macho and didn't even give it a fair chance but whatevs. I had fun, which is all that really matters!

Phase 3 happened on Saturday. I figured I had to do something to balance out the super girly night we had on Friday. I took Rob and Kaeli to Ridemakerz, and we built remote control cars. I first heard about the place when my sister went for her birthday, and I knew Rob would really enjoy it. It's basically a Build-A-Bear but with cars. Kaeli and I built a super girly pink car, and Rob picked out a black Viper. Rob took his car building very seriously, and it was a lot of fun. We had a quick dinner at Freebirds (gigantic burritos are so romantic), and went home to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.

We did so much stuff I feel like I need an extra weekend to recover.

Whether you love it or think it's a holiday created by Hallmark and chocolate companies, I hope everyone had a great weekend!!

It's Here! It's Here!

It's finally here!

What is here you ask? My new Snuggie!!!

I should preface this post by saying that I've been on a weird must order random things from the Internet kick lately. I am so NOT the type of person who should order things from the Internet. First, I have very little impulse control when it comes to shopping. Second, I compulsively check the package tracking in, like, 20 minute intervals. I know it's ridiculous, but I can't stop.

and I might have taken wwaayy too much cold medicine...i'm feeling a little loopy over here!

Anyway-

My Snuggie got here today! Who knew a blanket with sleeves would be so awesome? I probably shouldn't be this excited about something that is essentially a backwards robe, but, whatevs. I love it.

Now I can read a book without the horrible annoyance of getting my hands and arms cold when I turn a page. That is just pure genius.

I got 2 because you can't chillax in Snuggie comfort alone. It's just mean. Plus, the website does this whole trickery thing, and after you place your order, they ask if you want to pay an extra $10 for the Deluxe Snuggie. It's thicker and has POCKETS! I can't resist an upgrade so Deluxe Snuggies it is. Rob's reaction to the pockets was not as excited as mine. His exact words were "Great, another place for you to lose your phone." How Rude!

Tonight, I relaxed on the couch with Kaeli. We were both wrapped in our Snuggies while watching American Idol. You can't ask for a better night than that!

Grammy Roundup

I'm a sucker for award shows, so, of course, I was glued to the television for last nights Grammys. Here are a few of my very important thoughts on the evening.

I'm glad Adele won for Best New Artist. I think she's fabulous, and Chasing Pavements is such a great song. BUT - Why oh why was she chewing gum ON STAGE. If your name is called you immediately swallow it!!

I've been in love with Justin Timberlake since like 1998. He's occupied my heart for the last 11 years. He was so great in both of his performances last night. I love that he collaborates with pretty much everyone in the entire music industry, but I am so ready for another Justin album. A tour would be nice too.

I have yet to hear a Taylor Swift song that I don't love. The song she and Miley Cyrus performed, Fifteen, was so fantastic. I was pleasantly surprised by how well their duet went.

Jennifer Hudson can freaking sing. She was amazing. Now she has a Grammy and an Oscar, so getting voted off of American Idol worked out very well for her!

M.I.A, I applaud you for performing ON your due date. That is ballsy.

Blink 182 presented together. Yay! Then today announced that they are officially back together. Double Yay!

Is anyone else so incredibly jealous of Carrie Underwood's legs? I've looked for a picture, but couldn't find one. They're freaking amazing. I'm almost inspired to hit the gym.

Why was Kanye West rocking a mullet? I know the 80s are back, but they are so not that back.

There were a million more great things, but these ones stuck out enough for me to text about them with one of my Grammy-loving friends.

Did y'all watch? What did you think? Any moments stick out to y'all?

Google Search Mania

I've seen other people write posts about the weird google searches that lead people to their blogs. I thought it would be fun to do my own list. Apparently, there are some very interesting people out there googling very interesting things. I've decided to put them into two groups; Sad and Awesome. Plus, y'all get my thoughts on the searches. Don't y'all feel lucky!?

First for the Sad
"frenemy friends you on Facebook,what do you do" - It's sad that this is such a common problem on Facebook that someone felt the need to google an answer. It's even sadder that google directed them to me. Someone should write a book on this subject. Millions of dollars will be made off of a Facebook Etiquette Manual!

"girl who has no friends" - BURN! I'm awesome. I have friends. Google sucks.

"get over it Kristi girl" - That could probably be an alternate title for this here blog!

"has anybody seen my self esteem" - Well, ok then. I get the point, Google.

And the Awesome
"how do I get my boyfriend to be like Edward Cullen" - It's a question all of us *Fanpires* are asking ourselves.

"my boyfriend is like Edward Cullen" - Lucky girl. Stop rubbing it in.

"would you really want a boyfriend like Edward Cullen" - Yes.

Three separate Google Searches relating to Edward Cullen? Maybe I should stop mentioning Edward Cullen so much?

And now for the most Awesome
"big happy hair" - I am in total shock about how many people have googled Bump Its! I seriously lost count at 15 in a week. Every day there are more and more people jumping on the big happy hair bandwagon. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only freak mesmerized by the big happy hair promise. I should contact the Bump It people, and see if I can be a spokesperson or something. They could like sponsor my blog. My hair would always be sassy and flirty. I think this might be the start of a beautiful friendship, Bump its!!!

Blog Love

That Girl was awesome enough to give me a Lemonade Award. Fun!!

Here are the rules:
1. You must link back to the person you received the award from. That Girl is pretty freaking fabulous. Don't click on the link unless you're prepared for lots of awesome Sex and the City references, total honesty, and lots of crazy boy drama.

2. You have to nominate 10 bloggers who are deserving of this award!
Here are a few of my everyday must reads.
Cherish at A Girl and Her Blog. Cherish was one of my very first blog friends!

Melissa at Complimentary Chocolate She's Cherish's sister in law, which makes me jealous because I want a cool sister in law to hang out with!!

Astarte at The Muddled Sage and Literally Booked. She gets two hits because she's that awesome. Plus, I want all of you to run over to Literally Booked and start participating in our book club. It's super fun!

Sara at Blogging in Bed. She's fun and insightful. Plus the pictures of the meals she cooks always make me drool!

TUWABVB at Tied Up With a Black Velvet Band. She's cool. Even if she didn't love Aretha Franklin's Inauguration hat!!!

April at how do i stop this crazy train. This is the first blog I ever read. April is a real life friend. She fabulous and totally hilarious, but she doesn't update near enough. Hopefully my whining will sink in soon.

Tabatha at that nurse is being such a... Another real life friend who is super funny.

Chantal at Two Hands Full. She's also part of Literally Booked. Chantal inspires me to de-clutter my home!!

Last, Reasons Why I Dumped You. This site is great for a laugh. If you haven't checked it out I suggest you do so right now.

Big Brother is Watching

Last week an email went around at work. Apparently, the company has issues with people streaming non-work related audio and video. The email said that the high volume of non-work related Internet streaming is impacting business related applications...increased costs...blah blah blah...starting February 3rd non-business related site access will be restricted...blah blah blah.

I know I'm guilty of recreational Internet browsing at work (cough - Inauguration - cough). Who isn't, really? I scan a few blogs in the morning while drinking my coffee, maybe add a few touches to a blog post during my lunch break, and often check what is new in the world at CNN. I can honestly say that I try to limit my personal browsing (except for the occasional really lazy Friday).

I didn't pay much attention to the new restrictions because I didn't think that it would affect me too much.

This morning, I went to get my daily dose of celebrity gossip. Perez Hilton has been blocked! Ok. I'll survive. I've got the celeb gossip app on my iPhone to give me my fix.

A little while later, I went to do a little commenting at Attack of the Redneck Mommy. Access Denied. OMG. NNNNOOOO! I can't even give y'all a proper link to her blog!

I'm too scared to do a little searching of anything else that might have been blocked.

God bless the loophole that is my google reader. It's my only connection to Perez and Tanis now.

Pray with me that the corporate bigwigs that analyze Internet traffic volumes never find out about the wonderful gift of google reader.

Questions Questions Questions

I've had these in my inbox forever. The the first set is from Cherish, and the second from Melissa. There's nothing like a Monday to take care of things I've been procrastinating on!

Round 1
1.If you could be stuck at any age for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? As of right now, I would say 25. Not because 25 was a great year for me, but because I like the sound of being 25. I wouldn't go back to my teenager years if you paid me. I can't handle the angst and the drama anymore! When I was younger, I always thought 28 would be a great age. I figured that at 28 is when you really have your shit together, but I'm getting really close to 28 (August!), and I'm not sure I agree with that anymore. Lol. Now I'm looking forward to 32. It has a nice ring to it. It still sounds young, but with more respect than the 20s bring. Basically, if I have to pick a past age I pick 25. If I can pick a future age, I say 32.

2. What country would you never want to live in?
I can't imagine living anywhere except Texas (I know it's not a country but whatev...it used to be)! I grew up an Army brat, and this is the first place I've ever felt settled. Plus, now that Barack Obama is President why would I ever leave the great U.S. of A?

3. What would be the least amount of money you would have to win before you gave some away? Well, I've been trying to get more involved in donating to charity this year. The plan is to donate something every month. In January, it was for my city's local food bank. I'm very interested in Astarte's find, Heifer International. I'm hoping to bounce around a little until I find the charity that speaks to me the most. With that said, if I'm trying to give more with what I have now, then I can see myself giving some away no matter how much I won. Obviously, it would be proportionally. I'd give more if I won a million than if I won $10,000.

4. If you could know for sure when and how you were going to die, would you want to find out? Um. No. Not even a little tiny hint. I think that if I knew, I would constantly dwell on how much time I had left rather than just living my life the best way possible.

5. If you could spend a day with someone who has died, who would it be?
I just don't know how I feel about this question. Part of me doesn't want to answer it, but that would be against the rules. I'm nothing if not a rule follower. Besides older relatives, Kaeli's dad is the only person I've known that has passed away. Frankly, I'm not sure I'd want to spend the day with him. It would be nice for Kaeli to have that experience since she was so young, but for me, I think it would just bring back the pain and sadness that I've worked to get over. I think I would rather spend the day with someone famous that has passed. Or solve a mystery surrounding a disappearance.



On to round 2
1. If there was anyone you could meet in person, who would it be and why?
Right now, I think it would be President Obama. I'm so impressed with him, and I have so much respect for him.

2. If you could find out when you would die, or how would you die, which one would you pick? How about neither? If absolutely pressed for an answer, I would choose to know how I was going to die rather than when.

3. And why? Mostly because I really don't want to know when!

4. Is there something that lingers in your head that you did that was embarrassing or just something you regretted you can't seem to get out of your head for good?
I have this amazing ability to forget anything that makes me uncomfortable to remember. I know there are things that I should be embarrassed by, but, for my own self preservation, I have blocked them all out.

5. What is the one thing you could not live without? (materialistic)
Only 1?! Did you not catch the "Material Girl" part of my blog title? How can I choose between my iPhone, my car, and my flat iron? It's just impossible. I need all three to live.

Whew. I'm so glad to have these answered. It's been lingering over me for weeks. Hope y'all enjoy my answers. Feel free to answer the same questions yourselves. I love Q&A blog posts!!