Dear Chad Johnson, I love you

For those of you not familiar with Chad Johnson, he is a wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals. He has a reputation for his celebrating hi-jinks. In football, most of his "celebrations" are deemed excessive and not allowed. He pays lots and lots of fines. I heard him in an interview once say that, during the off season, he saves money specifically to pay off the fines he knows he will incur during the season. Personally, I love the ridiculousness. My favorite was when he performed CPR on a football after a touchdown reception. Cracks me up every time. Now to my point, two years ago he took the name Johnson off his jersey and underneath were the words "OCHO CINCO". (his number is 85...isn't he clever) It had kind of become a nickname for him. The NFL did not like that, and he paid a $5000 fine. Anyway, today I read this article, and, please football gods, let this be true. Apparently, he is in the process of legally changing his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. This way the NFL has to let him wear it on his jersey. Don't ask me why, but I find this to be the most hilarious thing in football news since Brett Favre retired, came back, and became a Jet. I totally love the absolute arrogance he possesses. You just really have to love yourself a lot to pull off something like that. I can't stop laughing. I love love love love it.

Effort to Brighten my Mood

I'm feeling a little blah lately. I haven't quite figured out why(maybe it was this or this), but I need some serious cheering up. To help myself along, I'm going to relive last Friday. First a little set up. Rob and I have been dating for just over a year. He's great and wonderful and all sorts of mushy and corny adjectives. The only thing that blows is that we currently live in different Texas towns. With the help of cell phones, text messaging (I'm a texting queen...i seriously average like 3000/month...it's a sickness), email, webcams, and very very frequent weekend trips, we make it work, but sometimes (a lot of the times) it's sucky. Well, last Friday, I was sitting at home when there was a knock at the door. A very nice UPS man had a very big box. For me! I love unexpectedly getting really big boxes. This is what I found when I opened the box.

LILIES!!! Lots and lots of pretty lilies. I love getting flowers for no reason. (I told y'all he was great)

My plan worked. I'm feeling a little less blah than when I started this post!

Gold Medal Spectator

I have no athletic ability whatsoever. It was obvious at a young age that ALL the athletic genes in the family went to my younger sister, and I was destined to spend my school years being picked last. Even though I have no talent, I still love sports. The spirit of competition. The look on the faces of the winners. The heartwarming stories of the athletes. This makes the Olympics a very fun time for me. I can't get enough. I've watched everything. From the amazing opening ceremony, to Kerri Walsh losing her wedding ring during a beach volleyball match (don't worry, a very nice volunteer found it), to the Redeem Team beating China, and, of course, I'm riveted by Michael Phelps and his quest for complete Olympic domination. (in case you were wondering, I think he can do it.) The problem with my obsession is that, since there is a 13 hour time difference between China and Texas, a lot of the good stuff is coming on way way past my normal bedtime. And I need my sleep. I am not one of those people that can sleep for 4 hours and have a productive next day. I am totally dragging ass, but it was worth it to see the reaction of the men's gymnastics team when they realized they had the bronze medal last night. No one thought the boys could do it, and they were all so excited. It was really fun. Plus, I'm thinking of hunting down Jonathan Horton and stalking him/making him my boyfriend. He's such a cutie, and he's from Texas!

You know what is not fun...

...being randomly sick all weekend and, then, Sunday night, when you're on the verge of taking a sick day the next morning, you suddenly feel better, but your weekend was still ruined.

...standing in front of your closet in the morning realizing that you hate every article of clothing you own, and at this point it might be best to throw everything out and start over.

...wearing a sweater in August because of the ridiculously freezing temperature your office is kept at.

...hearing your daughter say this: " mom, when we go shopping for my new school clothes, you have to let me pick out everything because they are my clothes and not yours" and realizing that my dictatorship over her personal style is quickly ending and pretty soon her friend's opinions will be more important than mine.

...when someone uses the last of the french vanilla creamer (which is the only thing that makes the office coffee bearable) and you can't find anymore.

...when you think you might have overdone it on the pretty new perfume, and you spend an entire bus ride hoping the people around you aren't gagging.

...when you realize that the guy sitting next to you on the bus is the same guy that has been taking a seat next to you the last 3 times you've been on the bus...coincidence or crazy guy?

...then he asks you how you liked the Barbara Walters memoir that you finished weeks ago.

...then as soon at you put your current book away, he continues to make awkward small talk. I hate to be rude, but I am not good at small talk at 7:30 am.

I think it is obvious that I have a case of The Mondays.

In an effort to not bring everyone down with me, I'm going to leave y'all with something that is FUN

...watching Michael Phelps and the rest of his team win the gold medal in the 400m Freestyle Relay. Especially, since the French were favored, and one of them was talking trash about smashing the Americans!!!

Dream Interpretation or Why My Subconscious Hates Me

My 27th birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Besides official entry into my late 20s, this isn't really a monumental birthday. I haven't given it much thought other than where do I want to go to dinner, what present is Rob getting me, can I convince him to see a super girly movie, and how many Mojitos is too many. I was even looking forward to becoming a year older because I'm the youngest one in my group at work and getting older might give me a little accounting street cred (if there even is such a thing). Everything was going swimmingly with my ideas about aging until last night. Damn last night.

I had a dream that I was having a birthday party. At this party everyone kept wishing me a happy 35th birthday. I was telling people over and over that I was only 27, but no one would believe me. After the well wishing for a happy 35th year, all of my friends started telling me how old I looked and that I've really let myself go. W. T. F.

I have nothing against 35. It's a fine age. Heidi Klum is 35(and I've already professed my adoration of her). Kate Beckinsale is 35. Molli Sims is 35. Tyra Banks will be 35 in a few months. Portia de Rossi is 35. Even Monica Lewinsky is 35. These are all beautiful, smart, successful women. I should be pleased to lump myself in with them. But I'm not.

I think the part I'm having issues with is the "you look so old" and "you've really let yourself go" part of my dream. Were those comments really necessary? Do I subconsciously think that about myself? Needless to say I woke up critiquing and questioning every part of my appearance. These critiques and questions include but are not limited to:

• Wow, my roots are really showing. My highlights need a touch-up
• OMG, my eyebrows are in serious need of some maintenance
• Should I be using an anti-aging/wrinkle cream? Is just moisturizing okay when you're almost 27?
• I should drink more water
• I should drink less coffee
• I really need to start using the gym membership I pay for each month

After picking up the pieces of my shattered self-esteem, I preceded to get ready. I stood there with my flat iron meticulously straightening every strand of my hair, foregoing my standard wavy ponytail. I put on my most youthful looking business casual outfit. Common sense did kick in for a second, and I took off my super cute, super high, and super uncomfortable black heels and opted for more sensible work footwear (I guess I am getting old).

Since I took all this extra time to get ready, when I finally got to the Park and Ride my favorite parking spot was taken. Plus, I missed my favorite bus with my favorite driver. I got to work 20 minutes later than I normally do, but I don't look a day over 25 gosh darn it, and it was worth every minute!!

Gift with Purchase

What is it about the phrase "gift with purchase" that makes me run out and quickly buy whatever the store is selling? Today, I was doing a little Internet surfing and found myself at the Ulta site. They were advertising this adorable bag with purchase of a fragrance. The next thing I know, I'm forcing Kaeli into the car and driving down the street to the nearest Ulta because I MUST HAVE THAT BAG! To be honest, I don't even know what I'm going to do with the bag, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I NEEDED IT!! I justified the entire thing because I've been meaning to find a new perfume anyway, and if I buy now I GET AN ADORABLE BAG! Which is way better than if I wait and don't get anything extra with my purchase. I mean it was a $40 value...FOR FREE. I'm such a slave to consumerism, but at least I have a cute bag and really pretty smelling perfume to show for it!!

I'm like the worst photographer ever!!

Reality TV Recap Friday

I have a serious addiction to television, and, in the summer, there is nothing better than the slew of reality TV shows to keep me out of the hotter than Hades Texas heat. After Kaeli does to bed, I crank up my overly worked DVR, and indulge in the mindless entertainment provided by "regular" people. I never meant to like reality TV, but there are a few shows that I can't live without.

First, is Project Runway. I think this might be the only reality show in which I love the judges more than the actual contestants. In my head there is an ongoing love affair with Tim Gunn. If I could, I would follow him around all day asking his opinions about people's clothes. I love hearing him talk. I love his advice. I just love him. If you think my fascination with Tim Gunn is obsessive, then you don't want to know how much I love Heidi Klum. She's totally adorable to me. Then there's Michael Kors (genius) and Nina Garcia (everything she says is always my opinion...it's freaky). I love watching them critique the clothes. OK. OK. I think I should stop my love fest before I freak y'all out even more. The show just started 3 weeks ago, so it's hard to pick and absolute favorite. Kelli, Kenley, and Terri seem cool. I can tell you who I hate, though. 3 weeks is definitely enough for that. First, there is Suede. That's right, he calls himself Suede. Besides his name, 37 years old is too old for a blue mohawk and way way too old to talk about yourself in the 3rd person. Ugh, I can't wait for him to be gone. Then, there is Blayne. His skin is totally orange from the tanning beds he is addicted to, and he keeps adding -licious to every word. "That's girl-licious...Hi Tim-licious...Heidi is Darth-licious" -licious is not a viable suffix!! I keep screaming at the TV "QUIT TRYING TO MAKE FETCH HAPPEN!!!" It's obvious he's trying to do the whole Christian thing with "fierce" and "hot mess", but Blayne just can't pull it off like Christian. I want him to leave the MOST!

That brings me to Big Brother 10. I love BB, but haven't been as excited about the casts since season 6 and the season 7 all-star house. I only really love Dan. There's a few that don't make me crazy. There are several I want to stab in the eye. Angie (no real opinion about her) and Jessie (can't stand him) were up for eviction. The whole house was gunning for Angie, which makes no sense because so far she's been pretty useless. One of the house guests, April, even said that they should get rid of Jessie, and that America probably thinks they're the dumbest house ever for keeping him around. Well, April, you could not be more right. I do think that BB10 is one of the dumbest casts ever. Their decisions are not strategic, just personal. As much as they all drive me crazy, though, I can't stop watching. 3 times a week I sit down to torture myself with the ridiculousness that is BB10. Thursday night's episode was fun for one main reason. Since the show is being recorded in present time, the house guests were affected by the 5.4 earthquake that hit LA this past week. It was hilarious watching them all freak out when the ground started moving.

Last, but not least is my favorite of the summer reality shows. So You Think You Can Dance. This show never disappoints. I'm sad it's almost over. I think I live vicariously through the dancers because I am your typical 2 left feet, no rhythm white girl. I think Mia Michaels is just about the most amazing choreographer ever. Tabitha and Napoleon have the most fun hip hop routines. This week was tough because it was the top 6 and 2 (1 boy and 1 girl) had to go home. They're all so great, and I loved them all. I super heart Courtney and Twitch, though. I'm so glad that they made it to the top 4. Twitch is hilarious, and Courtney is just too adorable for words. Joshua and Katee also made it to the top 4, and I honestly think that they all are truly the top 4. Since the beginning, these 4 have been the greatest, and I'm glad that no one undeserving slipped in.

There you have it. My opinions about my top 3 summer reality TV shows. What does everyone else think? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?